Despite appearances, flight attendants are not happy.

(A screenshot from a United video.)

Chris Matyszczyk/Screenshot

Across America, employee relationships are falling to levels of The office.

I’m actually amazed that some smart producer isn’t already trying to create a new Dunder Mifflin series called Dunder Mifflin The virtual office.

While bosses cheer on their managerial skills and extraordinary achievements in making even more money, employees snarl in exasperation. And virtual.

In many industries, they are finding that bosses have used the pandemic to downsize workers and leave customers severely dissatisfied.

Yes, of course I’m talking about airlines. The only industry that would try to shame Oliver Twist for his greed.

Anyone who has traveled in the last year knows what a bad, stupid mess airline customer service has become. Canceled flights, delayed flights, lost luggage, it’s hard to figure out what the airlines got right.

American Airlines pilots, for example, make films showing how incompetent they find their bosses.

Now, United Airlines flight attendants have come up with an idea just as incisive, if not more delicious.

Your union, the Association of Flight Attendants, has decided to do what bosses ask customers to do.

No, don’t go online about how useless they are. Well, not exactly. Instead, they launch something called Flight Attendant Promoter Score.

Many companies use the so-called Net Promoter Score to brag about their customer service. If it’s a good score, that’s it.

It’s the measure derived from the small poll question you’re asked after a flight: “How likely are you to recommend the airline to your friends, family and random people you meet at bars on a Friday night?” “

Now United’s flight attendants will score the airline. Every single week. It’s a bit like a rolling glass door for everyone to see, which (hopefully) honestly reflects how upset the flight attendants are with their management.

The flight attendant union says, “It’s just common sense that in order to provide a great experience for United passengers, the people providing the experience need to feel valued and supported.”

This part of the press release was the charm section. However, you may recall that the union prefers to be sarcastic when referring to their bosses. It has recently poked fun at United’s attempts to conduct random uniform checks with riveting aplomb.

Now, with the Flight Attendant Promoter Score, the union mused, “As the problem solver that we are, we thought we were providing valuable insights into how management can improve this important internal flight attendant experience for customers.”

And we let the customers see how pathetic we really are run.

Just as you’ve probably tried calling an airline’s customer service and been told the wait is four hours, flight attendants say they were forced to wait a similar length of time when trying to call United – to check for changes their roster.

Now they will rate the airline on, among other things, whether their contributions are valued, whether they feel supported by managers – especially in difficult times – and whether the workforce management provides them with a quick, well, service.

There’s a subtle twist.

Also, he flew American Airlines, she flew United. The unthinkable happened to both of them

The union happily concludes, “Responding to feedback from flight attendants will have a significant impact on our work environment and should have a corresponding impact on United’s NPS scores.”

You see, United management, we’re doing this to improve your Net Promoter Scores, which you love to make stand out in front of analysts or anyone else who’s listening.

Too many industries seem to be struggling with employee dissatisfaction right now. Could this have something to do with the fact that employees see management profiteers and their complacency is increasing exponentially?

Personally, I look forward to the day United Airlines issues a press release proudly announcing that it has increased its Flight Attendant Promoter Score.

The headline could be: “We did it! We finally got our employees to like us!”

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