There have been a lot of horrible movies in 2022. High quality, sophisticated thrillers as Ben Affleck unconvincingly tries to convince us he ever had sex. Pointless Remakes; even more pointless adjustments; bad superhero vampire movies that bombed and became memes and re-released and re-bombed. There were underwhelming performances, crappy special effects, incomprehensible plots, and cinematic pitfalls.
What is the absolute worst? A lot of people don’t like movies that are poorly put together or lack professional acting, editing, or writing quality. So from that perspective, a bad movie is an amateurish movie – like the band Boy Harsher’s short vampiric horror film The runner that’s halfway between a music video and a home video. or fire starter (2022), which looks like a bad copy of a bad copy of the 1984 film.
I often enjoy low budget movies. The runner is full of charm; How can you hate a bunch of fans running around in the woods making a horror movie? fire starter is terrible, but not because it’s hardly professional quality. If anything, the cheapness is something of a salvation. At the very least, you would hate to think that someone spent a lot of money to come up with something the. The main reason for hate fire starter is that it dumbs down the earlier somewhat entertaining film and Stephen King novel on which the films are based.
But it can’t compete with that Texas Chainsaw Massacre. The original 1974 Tobe Hooper film is a hideous low-fi masterpiece of flesh, blood and cattle. This year’s remake uses the name and reputation to sleepwalk through a series of weary horror tropes. Hooper’s vision was indelible, but I can barely remember the mess of 2022 a few months later, save for a vague irritation. The worst conviction Adaptation is fresher in my mind. Netflix took Austen’s tender tale of autumnal melancholy and turned it into a mildly cheeky rom-com with slapstick humor and Dakota Johnson winking wryly at the camera. Why adapt a book you hate? Presumably the answer lies in money and marketing. And also because you suck.
I think in terms of sheer lust to see, Deep water was even worse. An erotic thriller without eros and thrills, which, thanks to Affleck’s persistent lack of affect, wasn’t even bad fun. Ana de Armas made a few sporadic gestures for fun, but Affleck just watches her as if he can’t figure out what he’s doing there, much like the viewer.
But nothing fails quite like a big-budget, failed blockbuster. Hollywood juggernauts pour so much money, fanfare, and puffiness into claiming you’re having the time of your life that it’s like inhaling whale guts as they crash to earth. movies like disease or The 355 or (I think the worst of the year so far) moonfall feel that they are elaborately insulting the audience. Showed up hoping for a squirt of talent or joy or emotion from that blaring, capital-encrusted bucket of executive-approved bilge water? what a jerk you are That’s $20, two years of hearing loss, and your soul.
Could there be worse movies? Secure. James Camerons Avatar: The Way of Water has the potential for epic horror. But I don’t see anything on the horizon that’s likely to be a real contender for worst movie of all time. To me, that’s a category reserved mostly for smug Hollywood Oscar bait – movies like the unjustly acclaimed one Schindlers List or the justly despised Backwoods Elegy. Unless one of them raises their head like a poisonous mushroom with Liam Neeson’s nose, moonfall remains to beat the shitty movie.